![]() You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The force now propels you forward and upward. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. ![]() You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". ![]() He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies.
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